Unrepentantly Rude

When I travel on the public roads, I am a chronic obstructionist. I am always in the way of others. I hold them up. I delay them. But so what? That’s what happens when I am riding in an automobile. It happens all the time. On every trip.

You do understand that I am talking about traveling in a automobile, don’t you? Curiously though, no one thinks it is rude when I obstruct them, when I am in their way, holding them up and delaying them when I am in a car!

My style of cycling, however, is described as rude. I ride my bicycle in the center of the street, the same place everyone else travels on the public road. You know, in the lane. And I do it in a rude way! Faster traffic has to change lanes to get around me! Ha!

I admit it. I am a serial road ruder.

When it comes to speed limits, I am an underachiever. Around here, they are not set low enough for me to break them. In fact, I often am not aware of what the speed limit is. (Or gasoline prices, but I’ve been told it’s rude to point that out as well.)

I commonly ride my bicycle on roads where the posted speed limit is fifty five miles an hour, and sometimes on a road that is posted at sixty five miles an hour. Not that motorists consider a mere speed limit a restraint on their behavior! **

If there were a minimum speed limit, I would violate that one. But there isn’t, so too bad for you. Boo hoo!

I am a social anarchist. I single handily smash down social norms and rip up social contracts!

Failing to meet the expectations of others to yield my right-of-way to them is a public scandal!

I arrogantly act as though my business on the road was as important as those of the motorists! (Oh what a cheeky fellow I am!)

I obstruct traffic while I use the very roads that gasoline taxes were used to build! I am without a doubt an unapologetic, selfish, free-loading prick!

I expect that I will be hearing from you the next time I take to the road. But if you wish to avoid being a hypocrite, stay out of the way of faster traffic. Pull aside when they approach, won’t you?



** Hey, y’all seem free to express your criticisms about how I drive my bicycle. Ain’t the freedom of speech fun? I get to comment on your competency as a auto driver!

You are operating in public, you know. Did you think I wouldn’t notice your barely adequate skill? I would say that the biggest contrast between your driving and mine is that I drive my vehicle lawfully.